The birth of a child turns the world upside down, bringing not only joy but also enormous challenges, often very difficult emotions. In this article from the Healthy Kids CLUUb series, we touch on a topic that is still often sugarcoated in society, and the confrontation with reality can be incredibly painful for new parents. We expect to be flooded with unconditional love after giving birth, but instead, we often experience tears, anxiety, helplessness, and extreme fatigue. What is physiologically normal, and what should be a red flag?

In search of reliable knowledge and solace, we consulted with Dominika Ludwińska – an experienced midwife, doula (known online as Dominika Maternity Warsaw), and expert who guides women daily through this most sensitive time, the perinatal period. Wondering how to survive the first few weeks in your new role and why creating the perfect daily schedule is often a trap? We invite you to read this article, which every expectant and current mother should read!

Newborn Crying and the "Perfect Plan" Trap

One of the most common mistakes new parents make is the desire to immediately impose a rigid routine on their newborn. We want to control naps, feedings, and activity times, relying on charts from books. Experts remind us: the first weeks with a little one are a time of adaptation, not military rigor! Imposing routines on a newborn usually ends in immense frustration—for both the child and the parents. Instead of planning, we must learn to simply observe our child at first.

The most difficult part of this observation is crying. New parents often perceive it as a personal failure – "if he's crying, it means I'm doing something wrong." This is an incredibly harmful myth. Crying is a newborn's only available form of communication with the world. A baby communicates hunger, a wet diaper, tiredness, but also overstimulation. At first, every mother has to figure out these needs through trial and error. Over time, after about a month, parents become experts on their own child and begin to accurately distinguish between different types of crying. Give yourself this time and the right to be ignorant!

When your nerves get the better of you... or the "cool head rule"

What should we do when our little one is crying uncontrollably, we've checked off all the boxes (changed, fed, cuddled), and yet the baby still can't calm down? The tension in parents grows with each passing minute, and newborns absorb our emotions like sponges. A stressed, upset mother won't calm a crying baby—it's simply physiologically impossible.

Dominika Ludwińska advises: If you feel like you're starting to lose control, feel angry, or helpless, hand your baby over to your partner! We call this "cooler heads" coming in. The different energy, calmer breathing, and the steady hands of the other parent often have a soothing effect on the little one.

But what if you're alone with your child? The safety rule comes to the rescue: put the crying child in a safe place (e.g., in their crib), go to another room, close the door, take a few deep breaths, drink some water, or open a window. Your child won't be harmed for those few dozen seconds, and you'll have a chance to reset your nervous system so you can return to them with a calmer attitude.

Baby Blues – a storm worth preparing for

The second major challenge of the first few days after giving birth is the mother's own emotions. Between the second and third day after giving birth (usually while still in the hospital), a woman's body experiences a drastic, vertical drop in hormones. This is when approximately 80% of mothers experience the phenomenon known as baby blues (postpartum blues).

How does it manifest? It's a state of extreme emotional instability. A mother can burst into tears at the sight of a TV commercial, feel overwhelmed by responsibility, experience anxiety, irritability, and sometimes feel like she can't handle her new role. It's important to know that Baby Blues is a physiological and temporary state. It lasts from a few days to a maximum of 3-4 weeks. This is a time when a woman needs leniency from those around her, a hug, and relief from household chores.

When does sadness become postpartum depression?

If anxiety, tearfulness and a sense of hopelessness do not subside a month after giving birth, or even become more severe, it is a red flag that may indicate postpartum depression.

It's an illness that requires specialized treatment. A woman struggling with depression often lacks the strength to get out of bed, feels no joy in motherhood, and believes she's a hopeless mother. In extreme, most severe cases, complete rejection of the child can occur—the mother refuses to feed, touch, or look at the child. Often, she hides these feelings from the world, feeling paralyzing shame. If a partner or loved one notices that the mother is completely withdrawing from the relationship with her little one or expressing thoughts about the meaninglessness of life, they must act immediately and seek psychiatric help.

Breastfeeding and medications – debunking a harmful myth

Many women avoid seeing a psychiatrist, fearing that initiating pharmacotherapy will mean immediately weaning their child. This is one of the most dangerous and oldest myths, unfortunately sometimes perpetuated even by doctors in other specialties.

Medicine has advanced tremendously. Modern psychiatry offers antidepressants (so-called modern generation) that are completely safe and compatible with lactation. However, the key is to consult a psychiatrist who specializes in caring for women during the perinatal period. Pharmacological treatment, supported by psychotherapy, can work wonders and restore a woman's joy in the first months of her baby's life.

A Call to Moms! Prevention and Support Are Key

At the Healthy Kids CLUUb, we strongly believe in the power of preparation. Instead of focusing solely on a layette of clothes, give yourself the gift of a "support layette." Save the numbers of a lactation consultant, a friendly midwife, or a perinatal psychotherapist in your phone. When a crisis strikes, you won't have to frantically search for help online. And remember: you don't have to be perfect, you just have to be good enough. Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness, but the greatest act of courage and responsibility for your family!